So there’s a mollusk, and a sea cucumber….
The mollusk walks up, well. not walks up, SWIMS up and says, well.. he doesn’t talk.. Alright, lemme start over.
Jim Parsons on SNL "I’m not that guy"
A man and his dog on the Overhanging Rock in Yosemite National Park, May 1924.Photograph by Educational-Bruce Photograph
my favourite insults are the ones where you just take a noun and a swear and mash them together. what’s up pisscouch? how you doin’ fucktrain. hope you’re havin’ a swell day, asslamp
Married life with Ellen and Portia.
My decision to watch all 16 minutes of this was a good one.
what does a tree do when it wants to leave
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I RUINED THE WHOLE FUCKING JOKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ‘WHAT DOES A TREE DO WnHEN IT WANTS TO GO HOME’ I CANT EVEN TELL A JOKE RIGHT WOW THATS JUST PATHETIC
Somehow this version is funnier.
~ The closest thing I have to a father… ~
what if lindsay lohan and jamie lee curtis never switched back after freaky friday and its jamie doing drugs and getting arrested and lindsay is just eating activia
I love that the logic this post goes off of is that lindsay lohan and jamie lee curtis actually switched bodies in order to film freaky friday
*concerned white parent voice* sweetie don’t write on yourself you can get ink poisoning